Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My "Large" Family

The average woman has about 2.1 kids. I have 4 and I am not even 30. So we are labeled a "large" family. And being that I am pretty young, I honestly can't say I am done yet. Now, both Lettuce and I came from "large" families; we are both the oldest of four children. We are used to this. In fact, I don't really think I have that many kids. 6, 7, 8, that's a large family. I think we are normal. Even though it appears that we are above average on the kid count. Anywho, my number of kids seems to floor everyone I encounter. Typical scene:

Stranger: Aww, what a cute baby! Is he your first?
Me: Thank you. No.
Stranger: Your second?
Me: No.
Stranger, with eyes bulging incrediuously and speaking slowly: Your....third?
Me: No.
Stranger, rolling prostrate on the floor while gnashing their teeth and foaming at the mouth: Your FOURTH?!?!!
Me: Yes. I have two boys and two girls.
Stranger, face turning purple and pupils dilating: OH MY GOD!!!!! YOU DON'T WANT ANYMORE, DO YOU??!?!!??
Me: Well, maybe one or two more. I love being a mother.
Stranger spontaneously combusts.

That was a dramatization. But people are awfully presumptuous. They ask all sorts of invasive questions. Obviously, they think that the niceties of society will prevent me from making snarky answers. Obviously they are wrong. Here are a few of my favorite answers to silly questions.

Stranger: I hope you got your tubes tied.
Me: No, I am not spayed.

Stranger: Are they all yours?
Me: No, they followed me from the produce section.

Stranger: I would never want to have that many kids.
Me: Well, with kids like mine, it's easy to see why I want more. But all kids aren't like mine so I could see why some people don't want more.

Stranger: I don't know how you handle all those kids.
Me: We don't all have the same limitations.

Stranger: You have FOUR kids?
Me: Well, four with me. I left the rest at home.

Stranger: Are you going to have anymore?
Me: Well, we do have one more empty seat in the minivan...

If you ask a stupid question, you will get a stupid answer. What annoys me is how people feel as if they have some sort of bearing on how I form my family. Even my family does this, though not as much as they used to. Probably because of the answers they kept getting. So, here is a list of things you should never say to a MoM:

Do they all have the same Dad?
Why did you have so many of them?
Just HOW old are you?
Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope you are finished?
Did you get your tubes tied?
I hope you got your tubes tied?
Why didn't you get your tubes tied?
Anything involving getting tubes tied?

If you see a MoM, the best thing to do is just congratulate her on her beautiful family and move on. It will make her day. It's not easy being the MoM, but there is no greater reward than looking at your children interacting with each other. It is an awesome sight. It's stressful job but I wouldn't want it any other way.


T.Allen-Mercado said...

Great answers! I have two children because it is all I could handle alongside the voices in my head. I do offer a gleam and nod to parents of larger families because I think it's a beautiful testament to the power of love and the triumph of family. Why anyone feels it appropriate to police one's netherparts continues to escape me. I always wonder what *their* children are doing whilst they are regulating my reproductive rights. Go on and be fruitful.

VCSMama said...

Um...hilarious...and great responses. I always thought I would have more children than I do. More love to fill up this little abode. But, alas, I have one wonderfully spirited little one to love on. Well, actually, I swear that I actually birthed two and that they're both just in the same body. My son is a ball of energy!

Great post, and thanks for your comment on my MBB post.